Unfailing Love Read online

  His eyes moved closer to the base of the cliff to where the cave was. He wondered if anyone could have seen the smoke coming from the cave but realized that too was obstructed. The cave faced toward the cliff. The breeze off the water carried any remnants of smoke off to sea, making it invisible to the naked eye. Even if people were looking for Tracy and Paul, they never would have been able to spot them.

  Paul squeezed his eyes to get a better glimpse of the cave. The opening was dark, and he couldn’t make out anything inside it. But he knew Tracy was there. And he prayed she was safe. He turned his attention back to the road and began limping in the direction they had come from. After several feet, he stopped midstride and rested two fingers against the side of his neck. His eyes narrowed as he felt the irregular rhythm of his pulse. Before he could analyze his symptoms, a loud humming sound in the distance caught his attention. He turned and focused all his attention on the sound. He couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like a car.

  His eyes widened like a child in a candy store as a weathered truck rounded the corner and drove slowly down the road. Paul ran toward it, waving his bloody hands.

  “Stop! Stop!” he yelled, running into the dirt road. “Stop! Help us!”

  The truck came to a stop in front of Paul, and the driver hopped out.

  “What’s the matter? Are you alright?” asked the old man in a thick accent.

  “Yes, I’m fine,” Paul said, trying to fight through his foggy thoughts. “I, I ...” His hand pointed in the direction of the cave. “Tracy ...” At that moment, Paul couldn’t think straight. His vision began to cloud, and it seemed like the island was spinning like an amusement ride around him. He stumbled sideways, trying to maintain his balance.

  “Woah,” said the driver, running to Paul’s side. “Easy now.” The driver slipped his arm around Paul and caught him as he collapsed into unconsciousness.

  Chapter 2

  Tracy kept her eyes glued to the cave opening long after Paul disappeared. She listened intently as he made his way to the cliff. But after a few moments, his footsteps were drowned out by the sound of the ocean and the swaying of the trees. She realized, for the first time, that she was alone in the cave. She had been alone before when Paul had gone out for food or firewood, but this time, she was alone, really alone. And she didn’t know for how long.

  “When through the woods and forest glades I wander,” she sang softly, watching the birds fly about outside the cave. “And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.”

  Tracy felt her heartbeat settle and a sense of calm overcome her. “When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur.”

  The words make her think of the cliff that Paul had to climb. She was so worried about him. She knew she was injured, but she wasn’t moving. He had sustained pretty bad injuries too and had to climb that mountain. The thought brought anxiety and fear into her throat.

  “And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze,” she sang softly through the fear. “Then sings my soul, my savior God to thee, How great thou art, how great though art.”

  As she sang, Tracy felt her heart calm and her fear subside. God had always done that for her. Well, almost always. She remembered back to the times she would get scared as a child. When her parents fought, when she fell out of the tree, when her mother yelled at her and Courtney. All of those times scared her. But her father had taught her the hymns early in life and they had been her solace.

  “How great though art, how great thou art.” Tracy let the words fill her. God was great. Even in the worst of times, He had been there for her. She remembered the day her father told her that her parents were getting divorced. There was no worse day for a child. To hear that the only structured family unit you had ever known was going to be ripped apart was impossible to process.

  Courtney and Tracy had sat on the sofa holding each other as their father broke the news. Their mother was nowhere to be found. They found out later that she was already shacking up with husband number two. The emotions that filled Tracy that night were too many to count. She was scared, worried, angry, hateful, sad, devastated, confused. Guilt settled on her almost immediately. She thought, like most kids do, that she must have done something to cause the divorce. It had to be her fault.

  Tracy and Courtney cried softly as their father tried to explain what was going to happen. He told them that their mother was going to move out and that they would be living with him and visiting her.

  Visiting? Tracy remembered thinking. What did that mean? She hardly saw her mother as it was. Randall was the one who was always home with the girls, helping them with homework, making the dinner. Randall was the one that listened to their problems and mended their wounds. He was the one that tucked them in and prayed with them every night.

  Tracy worried that if she already saw so little of her mother now, how much would she see of her in the future? The guilt was multi-faceted. Tracy felt the immediate guilt of not wanting to live with her mother.

  When the girls were all cried out, Randall sat between them and held them in his arms while he sang How Great Thou Art. He told the girls that no matter what happened, God was going to be right there with them. When they got hurt, God was always there, helping heal their wounds. When they were angry, God was right there with them, listening to their words with understanding and empathy. When they were sad, God was rubbing their backs and holding them as they cried. He was always there.

  Randall also taught Tracy that God was bigger than their problems. Although the divorce seemed like the most horrible thing that could ever happen to her in her life, God was bigger. He was bigger than any problem and any pain and could help them through all of their troubles.

  The words her father had spoken comforted her on that horrible day and through the rest of her life. The only time she doubted them was on her wedding day. She didn’t know if God was there that day. She wanted to believe He was. But if He was, why had He let her run? Why had He let her fear win? Why had He let her do so much damage to so many people she loved?

  Tracy moved her eyes from the trees to the fire. The flames had died down and the orange embers glowed softly, providing only a small amount of warmth inside the still damp cave. She felt the ache in her body and remembered the time she fell out of the tree when she was seven. She and Courtney had been climbing a tree and jumping out onto a pile of leaves below. The jump was only a few feet from the ground, but the girls were having a blast.

  Randall had gone inside to get drinks when it happened. Courtney was standing behind Tracy, waiting her turn. Tracy looked to the leaves below and was ready to jump when the bees attacked. The swarm surrounded her and Tracy tried to swat them away as she fell backwards onto the ground next to the leaf pile. She wailed in pain as Randall ran outside, scooped her up and took her to the hospital.

  God had taken her fear away that day, she remembered with a sense of happiness. But not on the day of the wedding. And if he wasn’t there for that day, would he be with her as she moved forward with Paul? The thought made her heart race and breath quicken. She felt the pain in her ribs and tried to calm herself again.

  Paul. She hoped he was okay. She hadn’t heard anything in a while and had no idea of knowing how far up the cliff he had gotten. She looked outside, unable to tell how much time had passed merely by the shadows of the trees. She imagined Paul pulling himself up the cliff with ease, despite the injuries he had sustained. She knew he was capable because she had seen him climb before. She wasn’t a mountain climber, but Paul had gone many times with his friends in the past. She had even watching them scale a mountain a few times. But this was different. He had no gear. He had no tools. And he was injured.

  Tracy began to worry about Paul. She felt so helpless. Here she was, injured pretty badly and unable to help at all. She couldn’t even move! After all she had done, now she was making him climb a mountain for her. And it was her fault they had crashed in the first place. If she had held onto the map better, it wouldn’t have flown out of
her hands.

  Tracy’s head spun. She could tell she was dehydrated, had no energy, and had lost a lot of blood. Two days in the cave had clouded her mind. Thoughts of the conversation she had with Paul sprang to mind. She tried to remember everything they had talked about the night before, but it was difficult. The days were running together, and she could only piece fragments of their words together. She remembered they talked about having children and what type of lives they wanted. She knew they had talked about their careers. At least, she was pretty sure they had talked about their careers.

  Her eyes flew open as she recalled the last part of their conversation. Paul had asked her why she had left him at the altar. Had she told him? She couldn’t remember. She was pretty sure she had shared her fear – fear of commitment with him, but she couldn’t be sure. Bits and pieces of “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” sprang to mind, but Tracy wasn’t sure who said what.

  What had she told Paul? Had she told him that she was sorry she had left him? Had she told him that the moment the church door closed behind her she regretted ever doing it? Had she told him that she still loved him? Her breath sped up with worry or was it hope? She felt the fluid rise in her lungs and as the coughing jag consumed her, she tried to sit up but was too weak to lift her own body weight. Tracy rolled over on her side and coughed, letting the fluid release itself from her lungs. She looked through her watery eyes and the specks of blood on the dirt floor. The reality of her situation scared her, and she closed her eyes.

  “God,” she said in barely a whisper, still trying to catch her breath. “God, please come here. I need you,” she said in gasps.

  “God, I need you here with me, to keep me safe and alive. I can’t die. I’m not ready to die. I have too much to do.”

  Tracy let the tears spill as she spoke. “I have children to teach. I have kids to help. I have,” she paused, knowing this was the real reason she wanted to be saved. “I have to make amends to Paul.”

  Her eyes remained closed as she continued to pray fervently for Paul’s safety, unaware of the uninvited companion that quietly scampered toward her across the dirt floor of the cave.

  Chapter 3

  Tracy drew a labored breath and continued. “I know I told him that I was sorry. I know I told him that I still love him,” she said through closed eyes. “But I need to show him. I need to make up for all the hurt and pain I caused him. And the only way I can do that is by getting out of here and loving him unconditionally, through my fear, every day for the rest of my life.”

  When she was out of words, Tracy opened her eyes to see the claws of the large soft shelled creature just inches from her face. She rolled onto her back and reached across her other side for the stick Paul had left her. Searing pain ripped through her lungs as she grabbed the stick and stabbed at the scorpion, missing it by an inch. Her palms moistened as she watched it scamper out of the cave. Tracy collapsed in a heap on the towels. She hugged her chest as the pain rose and throbbed hard throughout her body. She remained still until her heartbeat returned to normal. Her body felt like it had scaled Mount Everest, using every last ounce of energy to fend off the scorpion. Now, all she could do was lie helpless and hope the arachnid predator would leave her alone. Tracy kept a vigilant watch for what seemed like an hour until exhaustion set in and she slowly drifted off to sleep.

  Tracy awoke with a start.

  Had she been dozing for minutes...maybe hours?

  She listened for a moment, hoping the scorpion hadn’t returned. But her only reassurance was the distant sound of the waves crashing along the shore. The sun that had lit the cave so brilliantly earlier now threw long shadows across the cave walls. She laid perfectly still, trying to piece together the events of the day. She remembered waking up with Paul. She remembered eating breakfast and talking with him before he left. That’s right, she thought. She was alone. Her eyes darted across the floor of the cave, looking for signs of the scorpion. The light was getting dim, and she could barely make out the dirt. When she was certain there were no scorpions or other insects, she laid her head back down and took a long, slow breath in.

  She tried to clear her thoughts. Fear rose up in her as each inch of daylight faded. It had been hours since Paul had left. If he had made it to the road, surely he would have sent help by now. But none had come. Did that mean he didn’t make it? Did that mean that he was injured or worse? Every awful scenario played out in Tracy’s mind as she tried to think. Her body began to shake from the cold, and she looked to where the fire had been. Only faint specks of orange flickered beneath the coals.

  Well, she thought. That’s certainly not enough to keep me warm. Or enough to provide light to see. Tracy had no idea if and when help would come. Although she trusted Paul and believed in him, she knew that perhaps he hadn’t been able to get help. If that was the case, she was on her own. She swallowed the fear down and forced the rational part of her mind to take over.

  “Okay, okay,” she said, thinking out loud. “Okay Tracy. Think this through.” Her mind spun as she tried to remember what resources were available to her. If she could move, she could get outside of the cave and grab more firewood. She looked down at her leg and knew that was not an option.

  “Okay,” she said, as she felt the shaking overcome her again. The sun was dipping lower in the late afternoon sky. She looked outside and thought that it would be so nice to stroll along the beach right now. She pictured herself on the sand, the rocky, shell colored sand, walking hand in hand with Paul. She was wearing her favorite sundress, the one that made her feel so young and carefree. Paul was wearing his favorite board shorts and a tee shirt and walked with her, holding her sandy hand in his.

  Tracy kicked up the loose earth beneath her bare feet as she walked. She looked out across the ocean and saw the beautiful palette God had created for her. With a smile on her face, she gently pulled Paul closer toward the water. When they were both standing up to their ankles, she leaned in toward him and then – splashed the water with her foot and soaked him.

  Paul laughed as Tracy broke free and ran down the beach laughing, her long blonde hair streaming out behind her. When Paul finally reached her, he wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her in close. She felt his long fingers stroking her arm. Then she felt them, slippery and wet, slither up her shoulder and onto her neck. She squirmed from the sensation and tried to brush his fingers off. She reached to grab them but before she could push his fingers away, her eyes opened from the dream and stared straight into the round coal colored eyes of a yellow and brown patterned snake that had slithered onto her body. A rush of adrenaline surged through her body as her muscles tightened to react.

  “Aaaahhhhhh!” she screamed as she threw the snake across the cave. Her heart pounded like a tribal drum as stabs of pain seared through her body while she tried to catch her breath.

  Where was the snake?

  Unsure if the snake was still on her or not, she batted furiously at her neck and arm, trying to remove any remnants of the disgusting reptile. Her body shook violently and she felt the cough rise up in her throat. Within seconds, Tracy was completely consumed in another coughing fit. Her vision became cloudy as the coughing continued. But she kept her eyes open wide, searching the cave for other predators as the blood sprayed out of her mouth and onto her hand.

  The sun dropped lower and the cave grew darker. Tracy remained on her side for what seemed like hours until she could breathe again. Then she sat still, frozen in fear for her safety, for her health, for her life. She knew the stick was behind her but was scared to take her eyes off the spot where the snake and scorpion had been. She was certain the second she looked away, they would return. Or worse yet, she feared they would be waiting for her next to her stick. The night was coming fast, and Tracy knew she had to do something.

  “Paul,” she called out, forgetting she was alone. “Paul, hurry! We need more fire!” Tracy’s raspy voice echoed against the cave walls. Her eyes darted back and forth. Where
was he? she wondered. He had been here just a minute ago, giving her water and food. They took a walk along the beach, just a little while ago.

  The delirium seeped over Tracy, and she could no longer distinguish reality from fantasy. But she knew she needed light. The fog lifted from her mind momentarily, and she remembered where she was. Then she remembered the first aid kit. Tracy maneuvered herself slightly off the towels and pulled the kit out from under her back and head. She opened it up and found the matches Paul had used to light the fire. Then she found the flare.

  “Where’s the phone?” she said to nobody. She knew they had a phone. “I have to call Courtney.” Visions of the bright phone light in the dark cave appeared in front of her, and she reached out to the empty air.

  After another moment of delusion, she returned to reality and continued rifling through the first aid kit. The flare, right, the flare. She grabbed the matches and the flare, closed the kit back up and slipped it under herself again. She struck a match and lit the flare, mesmerized by the red sparks that flew off the end.

  In an instant, Tracy was back on the beach with Paul. This time, they were sitting on a blanket watching fireworks. People laughed and chatted around them as kids ran up and down the beach with sparklers in their hands. Tracy sat between Paul’s legs, leaning against his stomach as he rested his chin on her head. Neither of them spoke as the annual Newport Beach Fourth of July Fireworks Show played out in the sky above them.

  Tracy inhaled the small of the sulfur, the sea and Paul. She breathed deeply, letting every ounce of the experience fill her soul. She was so relaxed, so at peace, so happy being here, on the beach with Paul. They had been going out for over a year, and Tracy had begun wondering if Paul might want to take the relationship to the next step. They hadn’t talked about it, and Paul knew about Tracy’s mother and her awful track record with marriages. But Tracy hadn’t expressed her true fears about marriage to Paul yet. She didn’t want to jump the gun. She didn’t want to pressure him or make him think she was ready.